Monday, October 14, 2013

The Jord Lesus


6,000 commemorative medals produced by the Italian State Mint for the Vatican in honor of Pope Francis' election -- 200 in gold, 3,000 in silver, and 3,000 in bronze -- were recalled after being put on sale in St. Peter's Square.

The medal features the pope's face on one side and on the other, around the edge, a Latin quotation from Venerable Bede, Francis's motto: Vidit ergo Jesus publicanum et quia miserando atque eligendo vidit, ait illi sequere me. (Jesus, therefore, saw the publican, and with mercy and choosing, He said to him, ‘Follow me’”.)

Except it doesn't.

Instead of "Jesus", the coin says, "Lesus".

Lesus. Seriously.

Traditional Catholics are outraged as they see this as one more sign that this papacy has gone too far and too fast in removing some of the core beliefs of the Church. By turning Catholicism into a ground for disco Masses, gay love-ins, clergy recidivism and rampant rebellion against the rich, this pope now kicks Jesus out of his Church introducing his evil twin, Lesus! Wait, that kind of sounds like the goal from our last Diocesan meeting...hmmm.

Liberal minded Catholics celebrate the announcement of Lesus as the gnostics have always protected the secret of Jesus' transgender twin, social-worker, vegan brother who is now leading us into a cotton candy universe where we all get to ride whales over rainbows. This coin will be the universal currency where you can get whatever you want, including groceries, health care and night-vision. Wait, that too sounds like the goals from our last Diocesan meeting...whaa?

It's all being taken care of. There's no new Jesus or Lesus.

But I can see in about 50 years, a special HISTORY Channel presentation of "THE SECRET MESSIAH: THE LEGACY OF LESUS!"