Tuesday, February 26, 2013

The "N." Word

After Thursday, that part of the Eucharistic Prayer that offers prayers for Benedict XVI, our pope will be omitted until we get another name in there. That N. will be "un-N.'d" for a short while.
N. is not really the name of our pope.
It wasn't too long ago when we had to skip over that part while the cardinals were convening to elect a pope after the death of John Paul II. I think I'd even mentioned in a near somnambulistic state "our pope John Paul II " even when we had another pope. I think I've even said, "William our bishop" at times in error but sources say he's like the shadow bishop, ninja prelate, spider-ordinary.

Since we're kind of a free-wheeling group, I wonder if some of the clergy here will take the advantage of putting the name of a fake pope in the Eucharistic Prayer. Here are some possible abuses/uses of the opportunity:

1. The Bishop is fond of saying "whoever he or she may be" when speaking of his successor. So, it would be his chance to say "bring her to the fullness of charity, together with our pope, whoever he or she may be" and then pause for the knowing smiles and laughter. Or not.
Mass is a good time to bring out the best crystal.
2. A good number of our clergy tend to swoon over the president. Even though he's not able to be a "pope", that shouldn't stop some of our guys saying, "We pray for Barack Obama, our po-resident". Kinda just rolls off the tongue.
This looks like something from a Bergman film. There should be a boat and a chess game.
3. Mad-libbing it would be fun. "Remember, Lord, your (noun) (verb) throughout the (noun), and bring her to the (adjective) of charity, together with our pope (name)..". It's a good way to get people involved in the liturgy. Like watergunning and puppets.
Mad Libs or as I call it "Homily Help"
4. That second of dead air could be used to raise money, like "YOUR AD HERE". So, for example, "bring her to the fullness of charity, together with SOULSHINE PIZZA SO GOOD TO ME!, our bishop, N...."

5. Make up something and see if someone notices, "bring her to the fullness of charity, together with the monkey, fancy, pants and cheese". I bet no one bats an eye.

Getting cocky with the Black Talon!
6. Politic for the guy you want for pope, "Cardinal Dolan, who isn't pope but should be TO LAY THE SMACKDOWN" for the conservatives and "Cardinal Mahony, who can't be pope but SHOULD BE OUT OF JUSTICE" for the liberals and for me "BLACK TALON because he's a religious leader who dresses like a chicken!" I think a papal reign under the voodoo master Black Talon would be an interesting run. A comic book character would be my boss. Wow. I just got chills.

In all seriousness, this is an interesting turn of events and there's probably going to be some interesting Vatican infighting and slapping girly style collaborating in the days ahead. Pray for our Pope and our church. Pray for his successor.

Whoever he may be.

And I don't really want a chicken man to be pope. We have too many chicken men.