The Twelve Days Before the Mayan Prediction of the End of the World Comes True

This Christmas season has a bit of urgency unlike the seasons before. Amid the anticipation and shopping, we have the added concern that we may be "THE CULTURE WITHOUT A CHRISTMAS". No, it's not some cute CGI special where a grumpy ol' man takes the fun out of the holidays. Rather, I'm referring to, of course,

THE END OF THE WORLD MAYAN STYLE!!!!

I don't really have any worries about it. I don't believe that the Mayans know more about the end of the world than anyone else. If the world should end, even as some self-fulfilled prophecy, then I should be ready to meet my maker. And, I haven't figured out what to get my godchild for Christmas so the whole pressure of ending up without a gift on the 25th will have been dissolved.

However, in case it is happening, I have written the following song. 

Spam? God, the end will suck.

On the twelfth day before the Mayan Prediction of the End of the World Came True, my true love gave to me-

A PREPAREDNESS KIT AGAINST ZOMBIES!

On the eleventh day before the Mayan Prediction of the End of the World Came True, my true love gave to me-
TWO CYANIDE TABLETS AND A PREPAREDNESS KIT AGAINST ZOMBIES!

Mad Max carries a gun, wears leather in the sun and doesn't believe in Vatican 2.

On the tenth day before the Mayan Prediction of the End of the World Came True, my true love gave to me-
THREE MAD MAX GUNS, TWO CYANIDE TABLETS AND A PREPAREDNESS KIT AGAINST ZOMBIES!

Hmmm..the water tastes a little asparagusy.

On the ninth day before the Mayan Prediction of the End of the World Came True, my true love gave to me- FOUR STILLSUIT SO I CAN DRINK MY OWN URINE, THREE MAD MAX GUNS, TWO CYANIDE TABLETS AND A PREPAREDNESS KIT AGAINST ZOMBIES!

On the eighth day before the Mayan Prediction of the End of the World Came True, my true love gave to me- FIVE CANS OF DRIED BEETS! FOUR STILLSUIT SO I CAN DRINK MY OWN URINE, THREE MAD MAX GUNS, A CYANIDE TABLET AND A PREPAREDNESS KIT AGAINST ZOMBIES!

On the seventh day before the Mayan Prediction of the End of the World Came True, my true love gave to me- SIX SELF SURGERY KITS, FIVE CANS OF DRIED BEETS! FOUR STILLSUIT SO I CAN DRINK MY OWN URINE, THREE MAD MAX GUNS,TWO CYANIDE TABLETSAND A PREPAREDNESS KIT AGAINST ZOMBIES!

The endtimes are brought to you in black and white.

 On the sixth day before the Mayan Prediction of the End of the World Came True, my true love gave to me- SEVEN SAMURAI,SIX SELF SURGERY KITS, FIVE CANS OF DRIED BEETS! FOUR STILLSUIT SO I CAN DRINK MY OWN URINE, THREE MAD MAX GUNS, TWO CYANIDE TABLETSAND A PREPAREDNESS KIT AGAINST ZOMBIES!

METALPUS!

On the fifth day before the Mayan Prediction of the End of the World Came True, my true love gave to me- AN EIGHT ARMED OCTOPUS KILLING MACHINE, SEVEN SAMURAI,SIX SELF SURGERY KITS, FIVE CANS OF DRIED BEETS! FOUR STILLSUIT SO I CAN DRINK MY OWN URINE, THREE MAD MAX GUNS, TWO CYANIDE TABLETS AND A PREPAREDNESS KIT AGAINST ZOMBIES!

On the fourth day before the Mayan Prediction of the End of the World Came True, my true love gave to me- NINE LIVE BATTERIES, AN EIGHT ARMED OCTOPUS KILLING MACHINE, SEVEN SAMURAI,SIX SELF SURGERY KITS, FIVE CANS OF DRIED BEETS! FOUR STILLSUIT SO I CAN DRINK MY OWN URINE, THREE MAD MAX GUNS, TWO CYANIDE TABLETS AND A PREPAREDNESS KIT AGAINST ZOMBIES!

On the third day before the Mayan Prediction of the End of the World Came True, my true love gave to me- TEN MAYAN SNAKE REPELLENT PILLS, NINE LIVE BATTERIES, AN EIGHT ARMED OCTOPUS KILLING MACHINE, SEVEN SAMURAI,SIX SELF SURGERY KITS, FIVE CANS OF DRIED BEETS! FOUR STILLSUIT SO I CAN DRINK MY OWN URINE, THREE MAD MAX GUNS, TWO CYANIDE TABLETS AND A PREPAREDNESS KIT AGAINST ZOMBIES!

AHHHHHH NOM NOM NOM!

On the second day before the Mayan Prediction of the End of the World Came True, my true love gave to me- ELEVEN PARALLEL UNIVERSES THAT I CAN ESCAPE TO, TEN MAYAN SNAKE REPELLENT PILLS, NINE LIVE BATTERIES, AN EIGHT ARMED OCTOPUS KILLING MACHINE,  SEVEN SAMURAI,SIX SELF SURGERY KITS, FIVE CANS OF DRIED BEETS! FOUR STILLSUIT SO I CAN DRINK MY OWN URINE, THREE MAD MAX GUNS, TWO CYANIDE TABLETS AND A PREPAREDNESS KIT AGAINST ZOMBIES!

On the first day before the Mayan Prediction of the End of the World Came True, my true love gave to me- 12 MORE MONTHS AT LEAST OF LIVING WITHOUT ANY CATASTROPHE WHICH MADE HAVING SAMURAI AND A ROBOT OCTOPUS SEEM VERY AWKWARD, ELEVEN PARALLEL UNIVERSES THAT I CAN ESCAPE TO, TEN MAYAN SNAKE REPELLENT PILLS, NINE LIVE BATTERIES, AN EIGHT ARMED OCTOPUS KILLING MACHINE,  SEVEN SAMURAI,SIX SELF SURGERY KITS, FIVE CANS OF DRIED BEETS! FOUR STILLSUIT SO I CAN DRINK MY OWN URINE, THREE MAD MAX GUNS, TWO CYANIDE TABLETS AND A PREPAREDNESS KIT AGAINST ZOMBIES!!

It's awful because we can only use it for one year anyway!