Friday, April 13, 2012

Friday the 13th: In defense of kittehs

One of my friends, Fr. Brian Kaskie, somehow found it important to tell me, "There are no cats mentioned in the Bible. None." I said, "Lions are cats." He said, "Doesn't count. I'm talking about cats." He meant the varieties such as the Tabby, Siamese, Calico, American Shorthair and so on.
He was, as he'll be quick to tell you anytime, right. Again.

That is until I found out about this:
Now the Bible is not only filled with cats (and basically only cats), it is written by cats for cats. Or at least by a cat named Martin Grondin who, is to l33t speak to what King James was to...ummm..English speak..spake. Something. Click here for the online version. You will lose your day.

On this Friday the 13th, the day where the black cat is especially remembered, I give you little taste of today's Gospel, for LOL Catz:
Happy Cat makz Fishburgerz

1 Aftr dez stuff, teh dscpls sez happy cat at Tiberiases Sea, and he duz it liek ths.2 Simon Petercat and Thomcat whoz naemd Didcatymus and Nathaniel frm Cana in Galilee, Zebedeez sonz, and two othuh dscpls wuz tgthr.3 And Simon Peter sez to thm: "Ize goan out fssshng." And they sez: "Weez goin too." So out goez them and getz into the baot, but they din catchin nuthn. All nght. Srsly.4 Happy Cat, sez dem, but dey did not dink it was Happy Cat.5 He mewd, "Haf u any fish?". Dey zed "Nu".6 He zed, "Drop ur fish net de other wayz". Dey did dis an loz of yumy fish fild teh net an dey couldnt pick it al up.7 Den teh dscpl woh Happy Cat luvz, zed "it is Ceiling Catz kitty", an petercat herd dis he put on his top and jumd in teh nasty watrz to get to Happy Cat.8 Teh othrz came in with the boat and al teh fish.9 Dey sez him cooking fish burgerz.10 Happy Cat sez to dem, "Bring some fish to cook".11 Petercat got teh 153 vry big fish an dropd dem at Happy Cat, an teh net had nu hols in it.12 Happy Cat sez "ymm, eat", an nu dscpls sez "who r u?", dey all knoz he was Ceiling Catz kitty.13 Happy Cat dropd dem teh fishburgers.14 An dat waz twee tiems Happy Cat waz with dscpls after hm liev again.

Well, I have seen worse translations. And, hey, Pentecost is just around the corner. Maybe some of those creative Masses where everyone reads in their own language at one time, someone can represent the catz.
Oh noez!!!!1