Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Thou Shalt Not Steal...panties

Victims of panty thievery ala South Park
The Underwear Gnome aka Panty Thief.
 The notorious panty thief of Oxford has been apprehended. Women all over town can take their undies out of the safe deposit box and disarm the electric fence around their Victoria's Secrets. The underwear underworld has been brought to light! Hurrah!
It takes a special hero to catch THE PANTY THIEF!
Although any crime brings about a sense of insecurity, fear, anger and a certain ill-ease with being invaded, we in this little town can be a bit grateful that panty thievery is among the top crimes. Sad for the perp is that there is no special jail for "panty offenders" so he'll have to get thug-cred among some of the tougher elements. He better come up with some better story when he's asked, "So, whatchoo in here for, brah?"

Panty ninjas!
Theft, of course, is one of those sins that date back to the Ten Commandments. The Ten Commandments were given to Moses on Mount Sinai after the Hebrew people escaped the slavery of Egypt. The Commandments were given so that the Jewish community could live in harmony with one another. The danger was that if there was any sign of discord or division among the Jews, then they would be easier to conquer. They had to stay together, follow the rules, or be overtaken by another force. Like Tennesse and LSU this weekend. Just saying...

 Theft or "stealing" can truly disturb a community. In my prim and proper status in this community, women did not say much to me about the fear of their unmentionables being absconded but I did overhear some girls in a restaurant discussing panty security. Hey...if you don't want me to hear that stuff, DON'T SPEAK SO LOUD! ...moving on....

Any unjust deprivation of anything can make someone angry. That goes for stealing cars, cheating off someone's paper, saying things that drop someone's reputation in other's eyes or taking credit for something you did not do. The value of our goods and work becomes cheapened if we are confident that they will be taken away from us. Or worse, we will put our goods and abilities over the value of human life.

The society created based on deception and theft is a distrustful society. That's why Jesus instructed the disciples to respond to theft and violence with peace (Matthew 5:38-40).

He also says that if someone takes our cloak, we should give them our coat as well. The judgment on what to do if someone takes your panties is still pending. However, we should be vigilant and look out for our things but also be more vigilant in affirming our communities and faith. A thief takes something away unjustly. A Christian who doesn't forgive, gives away the Kingdom.