Friday, September 17, 2010

Christian Cheese: Top Five Worst Christian Puppet Ideas. Ever.

In a relentless effort to find a silver lining in the dark cloud that passes (in some aging circles) for "relevance", we here at Southern-fried Catholicism hang our heads low and , once again, highlight some ridiculously low points in Christian art, architecture and culture. We hope you enjoy these forehead smackingly sad  examples of Christians trying their darndest to be "with it."

Today, we present to you the Top Five Worst Christian Puppet Ideas. Ever.

5. Noah's Ark Hand Puppets. Sure, they seem innocent enough, but aren't they just generic animal puppets? I mean, come on "Christian Dollar Store": is it really right to advertise these generic animal puppets as "Noah's Ark" hand puppets? Because Oriental Trading company doesn't say they're from Noah's Ark. Yeah. Busted.

4. Ten Plagues Finger Puppets. Aside from the most obvious problem (I mean are God-ordered death and destruction really appropriate puppet material?), these cute little representations of human misery just aren't kosher. I mean, if I'm a little kid, I'm going to think that there were plagues of lions and clowns. Clowns?!? And what about their representation for "darkness".... iiiiiinnnnappropriate.

3. Bible Character Puppets. The point is to instill in children the reality of God and his plan for us. Is puppetry really the best way to do this? I mean, one day, they grow up and leave behind Sesame Street and Dora. Do we really want their religion to be on the same level in their minds? Let's take the devil, for example. The philosophical/theolgical concept of Satan is a being who is totally at odds with God; completely and utterly devoid of light, love or truth and hell-bent on the destruction of all that is good and holy. What better way to teach this lesson than to make a cuddly, approachable puppet out of the guy? Right? Heck, he's even a snazzy dresser. Of course he's not alone in Bible character puppets (which, are somehow less creepy than these Bible puppets) Of course, Jesus is there, too. But he looks suspiciously like St. Paul. Hmmmm, methinks somebody in the puppet workshop got lazy.

2. "Liturgical puppets". Really not much to say about this - it's simply obvious what a horrid idea these are. I mean.... really? Really?!? Put down your coffee before watching the eye-burning video below. You've been warned. And, it should be noted, this is not a parish Mass (thank God) - it is some type of hotel "liturgy" put on by a group of retirement-aged people who have a problem with almost every aspect of the Catholic Church but, mysteriously, still insist on calling themselves Catholic. Yeah. I know. Makes me think of a certain banner...  

1. Ron and Marty from TBN's Joy Junction. Don't really have a good reason for putting this duo at the top of the list. I've just come across this a couple of times while channel surfing and that little guy just totally creeps me out. And the puppet is weird, too. Not good vibes.